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PostSubject: English joke for you.   Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:40 pm


Mechan

A
friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the
mechanic. Her friend asks, “Everything ok with your car now?”The blonde
replies, “Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try
to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was
blinker fluid.”

posted by Amin @ 6:15 PM

0 Comments

26 December, 2008

Job Interview
An
Italian, French and Iranian went for a job interview in England. Before
the interview, they were told that they must compose sentences in
English with three main words: green, pink and yellow...
The
Italian was first: 'I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I
see the green grass and I think to myself,I hope it will be a pink
day...'
The French was next: 'I wake up in the morning, I eat a
yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink
panther on TV...'
Last was the Iranian: 'I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone 'green green', I 'pink' up the phone and I say 'Yellow'!
posted by Amin @ 8:05 PM
0 Comments


04 December, 200
The Wish Granting Mirror

In
a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But
it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you
disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the
restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.
“I think I’m the smartest woman on earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The
redhead goes up to try. p> “I think I’m the prettiest woman on
earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The blonde goes up. “I think–” “POOF!”
posted by Amin @ 2:13 AM
0 Comme

21 November, 2008
more Jokes...

Did you hear about the blonde who put “Sagittarius” at the bottom of application forms where it said “Sign Here”.

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Q: Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times?
A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.

Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis?
A: She’s still looking for a lake with a slope.

Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Q.How many blonde’s does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One - the rest are all true.

Q. How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.
Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: She’s the one on her bike.

posted by Amin @ 1:38 AM
1 Comments


08 November, 2008
Nurse Jokes

When
a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several
bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach
the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside,
lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.” The woman watched
him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said.
“But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
The
patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are
the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering
payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in
my will.””That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and
then added, “May I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to
make a little change…”

Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood.
posted by Amin @ 3:25 AM
Comments

20 October,
Things I've learned from my boy

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If
you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough
to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

You should not throw
baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a
bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A
ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth contro
posted by Amin @ 3:04 AM

0 Comments


2 September, 200
confessio

The
old man says without hesitation "I now About a month ago, a man in
Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest,
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WorldWar2 I hid a refugee
in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
posted by Amin @ 1:00 PM
3 Comments

02 September, 2008
six-pack

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." 2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.

Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?" "Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow.'"

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

posted by Amin @ 2:28 AM
2 Comments


24 August,
Oconomowoc

Two
tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching
Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's
name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As
they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee.
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you
please pronounce where we are... very slowly?
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said: "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
posted by Amin @ 6:29 PM
2 Comments

12 August, 2008

Mariage

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
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